Yum Kippork

I know it’s not politically correct.  I don’t care.   Pork is delicious and deserves it’s own holiday.  We didn’t deliberately schedule our pork party to coincide with Yom Kippur, it just kind of happened.  I originally wanted to call it Pork-a-Pallooza, but our friend David came up with Yom Kippork and things just spiraled from there.  If you are offended by this then you have to grow a bigger funny bone and start praying for my soul because this post is not going to get any more PC, I promise you.

Doyle and I have hosted a pork smoking party every year (save one) for the past 5 years.  It all started when our friend and fabulous cook, Jeff, heard about this ingenious DIY meat smoker from the legendary Alton Brown.  It involves flower pots, a cheap hot plate that burns itself out immediately after one use, and a lot of patience.  It’s complicated, but the secret to success, we discovered, is to get the cheapest, most unreliable hot plate imaginable.  Something made in Kazakhstan, preferably, where the quality standards are lower than Taiwan. 

This year’s annual hot plate hunt was not fruitful so Jeff and Doyle wound up buying a smoker.  A real, live smoker.  It is the size of a wine fridge and it is full of awesome, though possibly not ideal for using on a 10’x10’ patio in an apartment complex, such as ours.  I invited the entire building over for pork and booze in the hopes of soothing their impending righteous anger caused by us smoking them out of their homes.  We didn’t’ want to have to deal with a bevy of annoyed neighbors and possibly a truck-full of angry firemen.  Sexy, sweaty, angry, pork- and booze-lovin’ hunky men of fire…

Whoo, ok, I’m back.

The pork smoking was a triumph. This is not a euphemism.  Pork shoulder, pork belly and beef brisket were smoked within an inch of their lives and then slow roasted in a 225°F oven till they reached the height of tender perfection.

Oh, and did I mention the homemade sausages?  

Yessir, our friend Jeff, a.k.a. Abe Frohmann, the sausage king of Chicago, brought some intestines and pork bits and his meat grinder over to my house.  His. Meat. Grinder.  Oh, yes he did.  And we made sausage.  And then we smoked it.  And it was delicious, so said the meat-eaters. 

Hey, don’t think you can take away my street cred just because I don’t eat meat, yo.  This vegetarian cooks some mean meat, bitches.  Mazel.

Smoked Yum Kippork in Flower Pot Smoker

If you don’t have your own wine fridge-sized smoker, here’s Alton Brown’s Flower Pot Smoker recipe.

FLOWER POT SMOKER INGREDIENTS

17” Terra Cotta Pot

17” Terra Cotta Bowl

16” round grill grate (we used a round cooling rack)

Metal pan (on which to smoke the wood chips.  We used an old metal pie plate)

3 bricks

Grill replacement thermometer

5 – 10 lbs dry wood chunks (a hard tasty wood, such as hickory or pecan)

BRINE THE PORK

Note: An 8 pound pork shoulder should be brined for about 2 days.

In a medium sized pot, combine the following and cook over high heat:

1 cup of salt

¾ cup of brown sugar

4 cups of water

2 bay leaves

4 cloves

Once it boils, turn off the heat and whisk in:

½ cup of molasses

Then add 3 quarts of cold water.

Get a pot large enough for the shoulder to fit inside of, and line it with a clean plastic bag.  I like to use a clear garbage bag for this.  Place the shoulder in the bag-lined pot and add the brine.  Close the bag with a twist tie or knot, being sure to remove as much air as possible.  Stick that piggie in the fridge and forget about it for a couple of days.

Two to three hours before smoking, pull the shoulder out of the fridge, pull it out of the brine, place it on a rack and pat it dry. 

RUB THE PORK

Mix together:

¼ cup paprika

1 tsp Chinese five spice powder

1 tsp white pepper

2 tsp dried mustard

1 Tbsp black pepper

1 Tbsp cayenne pepper

2 Tbsp chili powder

2 Tbsp ground cumin

Sprinkle this mixture all over the pork shoulder and pat it in well.  It should be a thick coating on all visible areas of the pork.  Massage it in.  Tell the piggy you love it.  Sing Fiddler on the Roof songs to it.  Whatever gets the job done.

ASSEMBLE YOUR SMOKER

Alton Brown explains the whole smoker thing here, at around 5 min 15 sec, but I encourage you to watch the whole thing because it’s fascinating.  Plus, Alton is super dreamy.  Especially his brain.  I bet he could bench 400 lbs with that brain.  Mmm.

SMOKE THE PORK

Put the gorgeous little piggy on the rack and lid it.  Put the thermometer on top of the hole and walk away.  The shoulder will need to cook in the smoker anywhere from 8 – 14 hours, depending on how hot you can keep your smoker.  You should aim for around 225°F.  Change out the wood chunks when they stop smoking (about 3 – 4 times during the course of smoking).

You know the pork is done when you take tongs to it and can pull it apart easily.  Then, wrap the pork tightly in aluminum foil and let it rest for an hour before you shred it with a couple of forks.

Troubleshooting:  If your hot plate is an asshole, like ours, and you lose your patience at around hour 5, simply wrap the shoulder in foil, put it in a pan with at least 1 ½ inch tall sides (to catch drippings) and put it in a 225°F oven, till done.  Remove it from the oven, drain the drippings and let it rest for an hour before pulling it.

I won’t get into the “To BBQ sauce or not to BBQ sauce” issue.  That is a personal decision, much like deciding wearing your hair as a mullet or mixing plaid and striped clothing.  Let your own taste be your guide.